Many people regularly find themselves stuck with dilemmas or problems, which makes them feel out of sorts. The step towards long-term help is often too big. In such cases, Mental Haircuts are ideal.
Organizations use the Mental Haircut to keep their employees resilient and mentally fit, and even prevent absenteeism (for example, as part of vitality programs). Additionally, it is used at festivals and as part of management days and training sessions.
We visit organizations and cut away problems in short 15-minute sessions. In one day, we can treat more than thirty people. Clients leave the chair feeling positive and light. With warmth, humor, and provocation, we guarantee to get them moving.
What is it?
You enter a ‘coaching salon’ where a hairdresser awaits you along with another client. The hairdresser performs the Mental Haircut, while the other client continuously provides commentary (much like a customer reading newspaper in a salon). For fifteen minutes it feels like a mental rollercoaster, where you are cut with warmth, humor, and provocation. There is a lot of laughter, and sometimes tears. It’s a low-threshold way to share your dilemma in a safe environment and leave with a concrete action.
What does it do for you?
The Mental Haircut is a coaching session by two professional provocative coaches, who help you create clarity around your dilemma or problem and get you moving in about fifteen minutes. You will leave the Mental Haircut with a concrete action! This prevents you from lingering too long with issues that need to be solved or addressed. Experience shows that people feel relieved, actually take action, and, in some cases, can avoid long-term absenteeism.
What type of clients?
Currently, we work with several clients (business, government, and semi-government) who use the Mental Haircut as part of their vitality programs for staff or during inspiration days.
The Mental Haircut is structurally used by HR departments and functional managers in organizations to keep their employees resilient and mentally fit, and to even prevent absenteeism. It serves as an instrument to support employees in situations where they are stuck (or risk becoming stuck). It is also regularly used as a one-time part or follow-up to management days, inspiration days, training sessions, and festivals.
About us
Martijn Gouman and Arno Broere are college friends who have been working together as provocative coaches for many years.
Arno’s depth, light-heartedness, and expertise make him a good conversational partner and critical observer. With his vulnerability as a weapon, he engages in positive confrontation and quickly gets to the core. He also knows how to skillfully balance the interaction between systems and human behavior.
Martijn has a background in business administration, journalism, and entrepreneurship. He is philosophical and direct, and with warmth and humor, he quickly sees through people and gets them to take action.
Some Examples
Elvira is After the Inheritance
A charming woman enters the coach’s office. Elvira is wearing a long skirt with a beautiful blouse. A colorful and radiant woman.
A: Looking at you, it seems like you couldn’t possibly have a problem…
E: [loud laughter] Not at work, no…
A: So, a private problem, fun! We handle everything—work, private matters… we specialize in real, serious problems, not small issues…
E: [surprised] You’re confusing me… there’s something huge going on… but I didn’t want to discuss that. I had something else in mind.
A: We’re only dealing with the biggest problems today… so, we’ll tackle that one, right, Martijn?
M: Of course!
E: [hesitant] No… I really can’t… it’s far too private. You won’t convince me… No, I can’t do it. The problem I wanted to bring up is about my next career step. I can take a job, but I don’t know if I should.
A: [cheerfully] Of course not! You know that too. Now, the real problem… come on!
E: [loud laughter] Well, alright! By the way, that job part is true.
A: See? Now tell us the real problem!
M: You’re in luck, Elvira. Today we’re solving two problems!
E: Okay then. [deep sigh; gathers courage] In my family, there’s a huge issue. There’s some property involved. But my sister is financially draining my father dry. He signs everything. She’s his confidant, but my other brothers are watching in despair…
A: So, you’re worried about your inheritance!
E: [fiercely] That’s not what this is about!
A: Well, a little bit, right?
E: [tearfully] No… she’s turning him against me. I’ve done everything, always. When my mother passed away, I was the one who handled everything and took care of my father. And now, because of her lies, he’s drifted miles away from me… and my other brother found out that… [Elvira breaks down completely… she explains the entire family history in two minutes. She’s very angry and sad.]
M: But what’s really the problem here? I’m only hearing facts. It’s not nice, but you can’t do anything about it. So, what’s the problem?
E: [a bit confused] I, uh, I’m afraid I’m going to lose contact with my father. He’s getting older, and this has happened before. I’m the critical daughter.
M: So, just stop asking difficult questions, right?
E: [firmly, resolutely] Then I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the mirror.
M: So, that’s clearly not an option… what you’re really saying is you’re doing everything right, you just don’t like the outcome. So, what do you want to change?
E: I want my father to see that…
A: [interrupts] That’s not going to happen. What are YOU going to change?
E: Maybe you’re right. I do the things I believe in, but the outcome isn’t what I want… this is a lesson in acceptance.
M: So, solved?
E: [laughs heartily] If he knew we were talking about this, he’d never want to see me again.
A: We have a surprise for you: [in a loud voice] ‘Sir, father of Elvira, please come in!’
E: [laughs very hard, hands over her mouth] This is too ridiculous for words, but it’s also a relief. It feels bad though, that I’m airing all this, but my sister has really driven a wedge. I feel lonely and unsupported.
A: Say that again?
E: [emotional] I feel lonely… and unsupported.
A: That’s not just a feeling, it’s a fact. So, it’s true. You feel powerless, don’t you?
E: A few months ago, I wrote a beautiful letter and read it to my father. For me, that was a kind of closure. But, I can’t leave my other brother and sister alone… there are still more conversations to come.
M: No, at their age, they really need your help! You’re the great bridge-builder, Mother Teresa… that’s what I admire about you.
A: I hear you saying you’ve tried everything, that you don’t want to continue this way, that you’ve let it go…
M: Dear Elvira, you’ve done everything. You feel lonely and unsupported. And yet you keep going, what else do you need to prove? Your game is over. They’ve figured you out… the inheritance is already divided…
E: [staring ahead] I’ve thought… yes! [sharply] That’s what I’ll do.
A: What?
E: I’m going to talk to my brother and sister. I’m going to tell them how I feel, how powerless I am, and that I’m going to let it go. I’ve done everything I could and, more importantly, everything I can stand behind. And that’s where I’ll leave it. It’s enough.
E: [looking very determined and also relieved] Pffff, guys, I never thought I’d talk about this, but I’m so glad I shared it with you! Very enlightening.
Sanne… BITCH. WHAT A WOMAN.
We’re at a large insurance company. Sanne walks in, a composed woman in her mid-thirties, dressed in a businesslike manner.
A: How are you feeling?
S: [tightly] Tense.
A: Good! What’s making you tense?
S: I feel like I should finally take a look at myself…
A: [cheerfully] That’s what you’re doing right now… so, what do you see?
S: It doesn’t make me happy.
A: What’s making you unhappy?
S: Well… um… that I, um, don’t dare look closely at a lot of things.
A: But you’re doing that now… what else do you see?
S: [looks directly into the mirror] …That my eyes don’t look like they usually do… and that I’ve got a fat face.
M: [relieved] Well, it’s a good thing you said it, Sanne… and luckily, it’s a double-sided mirror… but I have to agree, you’ve got an enormous fat face. Right, Arno?
A: Glad she brought it up herself… we see a lot of people, but this?
S: [laughs] Yeah… really, right?
A: [seriously] And what do your eyes say?
S: That it’s a bit quiet… [starts crying]…
A: A bit quiet can be nice, right?
S: [emotional] No… Ugh… I really didn’t want to start crying… [through sobs, hiccuping, sniffing] There are so many things… so, so, so many things that went wrong… and I’m trying so hard to… not let it show… at work…
A: What’s making it quiet now?
S: I don’t know…
A: Are you lonely?
S: [voice tight] Yes…
A: How does it feel to say that out loud?
S: Pretty shitty!
A: [cheerfully] What’s the real problem, then? Seems great to me. A bit quiet, all alone… is a dream shattered, a relationship?
S: [looks surprised] Yes… that’s where it started…
A: And what did it end with?
S: [very sad] I’ve lost almost all my friends.
M: [cheerfully] That’s kind of beautiful. Someone with such a fat face, losing all her friends… you must be a terrible person! Have you told them yet, that you’re a terrible woman?
S: No.
M: [quickly] You still need to do that.
S: Yeah.
M: Got a plan for it yet?
S: Kind of.
M: Who’s first?
S: My brother.
M: What’s his name?
S: Allard.
M: Okay, you’ll go to Allard first… what are you going to say?
S: [breaks down again] That I’m really, really sorry…
M: For what?
S: That I crossed his boundaries…
M: How so?
S: I didn’t respect who he is.
M: Did you hurt him?
S: Yes.
M: [still quickly] Did he tell you that?
S: Yes.
A: So, you both agree on that. Good.
M: What will Allard say?
S: [sadly] That it really sucks… [more clearly] and also that I was there for him when he was struggling… and that he’ll be there for me now!
A: How does that feel?
S: Good… but I don’t deserve it.
A: No, that’s true. YOU. DEFINITELY. DON’T. DESERVE IT! What a TERRIBLE.WOMAN.BITCH you are… right?
S: [smiling] Yeah… that was shitty.
M: And you’ll have to pay for it for the rest of your life!
S: [laughs with relief]… No, not that either.
A: Okay. That was Allard. You’re going to talk with him! Who’s next?
S: Well… [pauses]…
M: [cheerfully] I don’t understand why you’re hesitating… you’ve lost everyone, so plenty of choices!
A: [puts hand on her shoulder] Who do you miss the most?
S: [immediately] My father!
A: Did you hurt him too?
S: No, not really… he doesn’t really respond to it.
M: Is there something that needs to be discussed with your father?
S: No… not really.
M: So, a typical man.
S: [laughs with relief] Exactly.
A: What’s stopping you from doing it?
S: I think he finds it difficult…
A: That’s an assumption… take him for a walk and talk about nothing… most men like that…
S: Yeah. We always used to do that… walk in the woods…
A: Great! Do it?
S: [cheerfully] Yes!
M: We’re starting to get a plan, right? How does that feel?
S: [smiling cheerfully] Good. I feel a huge relief.
A: Let’s tackle one more difficult one. Which of your friends…
S: [sinks back] Well…
M: You’re taking all the blame. What awful thing have you done? Killed someone?
S: [smiles] No…
M: Slept with your sister’s husband?
S: [big laugh] No! Not that either.
M: What terrible thing, then? Set fire to something? Left the scene of an accident? Tell us!
S: No… none of that… well… I ruined my relationship!
A: [hands on cheeks] Oh no… really… that’s… terrible!! Did you hear that, Martijn? Watch out, she’s dangerous. She ruined her relationship!
M: And that’s why all your friends are gone! Makes sense.
S: They think I was too bossy…
M: Right! Your ex needed a bit of direction, didn’t he?
S: No… absolutely not.
M: But we’ve got a BOSSY.WOMAN here, haven’t we?
S: [defiantly] No! It wasn’t all bad!
A: Huh? Say that again?
S: No… really… I can be sharp… but it wasn’t all bad!
M: We also work in a forensic clinic, at first I thought you belonged there… but now that I hear this… you’re soft.
S: [laughs, relieved] Oh man… pfff… I’ve definitely hurt people… but it wasn’t that bad!
A: Okay, let’s do one more. A tough one. Who’s the last person?
S: [goes quiet again] Well… um… Evelien.
A: Great, what do you want to do with her?
S: Just… get back in touch.
M: Yeah… just… get back in touch… that doesn’t seem possible. Hopeless. I know Evelien a bit… she’s not waiting for you.
A: If you get in touch… what do you want to talk about?
S: We always went to concerts together… [swallows emotionally] I’d love to do that again.
A: That’s perfect! At a concert, you don’t even have to talk. So, that solves itself!
S: No…
M: Why can’t it happen?
S: Because it would be awkward.
M: Yeah… the current situation is much easier…
A: I agree… yeah…
S: [resigned, smiling] Oh, you’re right! I’m making it bigger than it is. I’m going to call her, tell her it’s complicated, but that I really want to reconnect, and go to a concert again…
M: I’d suggest a metal band… you can really let out all that aggression… slamming into her!
Sanne laughs with relief.
A: Look in the mirror one more time, how are your eyes looking?
S: [lightheartedly] Much better… really better.
Heart Attack During a Mental Makeover
Jeremy is a handsome guy: deeply tanned, well-groomed, wearing light summer trousers, a trendy polo shirt, with a matching belt and summer shoes. And of course, an expensive watch. The man radiates success, is impressive, assertive, and clearly knows what he wants.
M: Wow, you really look sharp and good. And what a beautiful watch you have, may I take a look?
J: [slightly arrogant smile] Yeah, it’s a…
A: [interrupts] What’s your problem, Jeremy? It’s definitely not financial, no lack of self-confidence, relationship issues, or stress?
J: I was just about to tell him something about my watch [points to Martijn].
A: His name is Martijn. So, what’s your problem, Jeremy? Surely not your watch, right? Are you bad with names? Do people think you’re arrogant? What is it?
J: My girl asked me to come to you guys… yeah.
A: Have you already forgotten her name? Jimmy?
J: It’s Jeremy.
A: Is your girl named Jeremy, Jimmy?
J: [softer] Elske… her name is Elske, and we have two sons, Mees and Sam.
A: Nice names, easy to remember too. I’ll ask again, Jimmy. What’s your problem?
J: My wife is worried about me. She thinks I work too hard.
M: [laughs confidently] But she’s obviously wrong, right? You get a lot of energy from it, don’t you? And you’re really good at what you do.
J: [businesslike, clear] Yes, my work is super important to me. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
M: So, you don’t have a problem. Elske has a problem. She should just stop complaining, right?
J: [hesitant] Well…
A: Jimmy, you’re going…
J: It’s JE-RE-MY.
A: Your Elske should just accept that you’re successful and make loads of money. Working hard is just part of that. It’s understandable that you can’t give your marriage and kids much attention. Every successful man has the same problem, even Elon Musk.
J: Yeah, that’s true.
A: Exactly. Give me your phone, we’ll call her right now to tell her that.
J: [startled] Well… um…
M: And we’ll tell her that SHE has the problem and should come visit us instead of sending you.
J: [softly] Maybe she does have a point.
A: [quickly and directly] Jimmy, what are you saying? Come on, man. Of course, you fill your days, evenings, and sometimes nights with hard work. You want to be the best, don’t you?
J: [sheepishly] I was at the doctor’s recently… high blood pressure, heart palpitations.
M: [confidently] Don’t listen to that. Doctors are way too cautious and don’t want to take risks. That’s what they call risk-averse. Typical caregivers. But you’re a businessman, right? Taking risks is your job. A bit of high blood pressure…
A: Jimmy’s looking a bit pale, Martijn… is he okay?
M: Shit, I see it. Should we call 911?
J: I got pretty scared recently. My heart was racing… I didn’t tell Elske about it.
M: [stands up, moves behind Jeremy] “Dear guests, sweet Elske, Mees, and Sam… How you will miss your father! A remarkable man has suddenly passed away. Jeremy was a hard worker, a real go-getter, tough on the outside, soft on the inside. He had so many dreams left with you, Elske… and of course with you, Mees, and you, Sam.” [dead silence]
J: [calmly, teary-eyed] Wow, guys… wow… [Silence, Jeremy covers his face with his hands… Martijn and Arno remain still]
J: This really hits home… [pause] This is exactly what I’m afraid of…
[Arno and Martijn place a hand on his shoulder.]
J: What an idiot I am! I really need to take better care of myself. I recognize the signs, the stress, and I know I need to change something. I can’t go on like this. I have a family…
[Jeremy quietly cries… honestly, we’re a bit moved too.]
After a minute, we wrap things up. No contract this time. That would feel inappropriate and definitely not necessary! Jeremy gives us a hug. We’re left speechless. Wow!